Hum tho Aise hi Hain*

Human beings, as a species, cannot maintain status quo. They always want the opposite of what is. In my BC [before child] days, my neighbors would see a stylishly slim Ms. Maggi walking down the street, and they’d say, “Ooooh, it’s really cool that you’re sooo thin. But you know what? It’d look really good if you put on some weight. You’re too thin right now. Indian men like plump women.” So then, Ms. Maggi ate a lot of hot parathas swimming in ghee and put on oodles of weight. You’d think the neighbors would be happy to see her waddling down the lane. “What is this Maggi?” they now ask, clucking their tongues. “How come you’ve put on so much weight? Are you pregnant?”
The same goes for the length of my hair. When I lived with my parents, I used to wear a long oily braid down my back like a true South Indian. “Uff! What is this, Maggi? When’ll you chop off those tresses? They’re totally impractical in hot humid Mumbai. And the rush in the local trains…don’t you get lice in your hair?” wondered my so-called friends. After coming to the US, I chopped off my locks. Ever since, all I hear is, “Oh, Maggi, look at you in those old pictures. Wow! You actually chopped off all that lovely hair? Why? Can’t you grow it back?” Sigh!
Now, before you begin to believe that I consider myself above these nay-sayers, let me tell you that I am EXACTLY like them. “The reason for your dark moods is your living conditions,” I pontificated when my friend A confided that he was feeling “anti-social.” “Move out of those dumps, find yourself a good woman and let your creative energy flow,” I advised him. He did exactly that. Now he’s the proud owner of a brand new house, and he is thinking about tying the knot. “I don’t know what has gotten into you. Why would, you, a bachelor without a green card, need a house?” I yelled at him. “Completely crazy!” I muttered. “And that girl you say you’re seeing. As if you think a virtual relationship is going to work.” “But…but…isn’t that what you told me to do?” he asked perplexed. “Ridiculous! So, if I told you to go jump in the well, would you do it?” I shook my head in frustration.
The list goes on. I’m constantly trying to change people around me – MOH, the brat, my Bihari-Bong neighbor, G -- my best pal in the US, all my students, MOH’s collegues’ timid newly-wed brides, my parents back home in India, my m-i-l in London, my s-i-l in the Gulf – you name the person and I can tell you how I want them to change.
For example, I was the one who egged my mom to go back to work once I was grown up. Now that she’s a determined career woman, I tell her “Why don’t you retire and be content with being a grandmother. Why can’t you just come live with me in the US and take care of my house, hubby and the brat?” I have the same complaint with my m-i-l too. When she lost her husband, my f-i-l, I told her, “This is the 21st century. There’s no need for you to play poor sad widow. Move out of this house, get yourself a new set of friends, find some new hobbies and live life the way it should be lived.” It took her a few years to realize that Maggi does say some sensible things once in a while. So, she followed my instructions to a T. “Why can’t the woman just sit at home? Is this any age to gambol about? She’s no spring chicken, you know?” I grumble when MOH tells me how he can’t reach his mom on the phone because she is not home.
“I’m sure you’d like everyone to live exactly according to your specifications Maggi,” says MOH in his calm composed tone [which drives me up the wall. Yes, I want him to change his tone]. “Why don’t you just concentrate on changing yourself first?” he asks. “Why should I?” I argue back. “Why don’t you?” he parries. That is the status quo in our relationship [and in my life] as of now.

Epilogue: You are the way you are because that's the way you want to be. If you really wanted to be any different, you would be in the process of changing right now. --Fred Smith

Notes:
Hum tho aise hi hain = Hindi for, This is who I am